Monday, June 28, 2010


All women want to change things about themselves, two being a big factor, first is there body figure and second is their attitude/behavior (about themselves or in general). This is true to a lot of women, not all, because I don't know all women, but anyways, it's true for me.

I want to change my figure, OF COURSE I do, what would I change? HMMMM, my everything, except my eyes and lips... I want everything smaller and stretchmarks gone.. but of course it's not gonna happen.. what do I need to change about my behavior? A lot, I'm impatient, short tempered, mean, and everything else girls are.. But about myself, I can be self-conscious a LOT and depressing, and sad and all that, I can sometimes put myself down, so it's depressing and depressing to tell the whole world.

BUT since changing your body means exercise and better eating habits, I've tried both and it just takes too much work, I know I know, I'm complaing and LAZY to many of you, but I have a better idea, because living my life and hating the skin that I'm walking in is just too DEPRESSING. I want to be able to adapt and love my body and my figure. The body and curves that my parents gave to me should be accepted by me and others, if it's not accepted by others, why should I bash it too? I live in it, it's not gonna change if I don't do anything to it, and I haven't done much, so love it, live it and take pride in it. I'm learning to adapt/change my attitude because I want to accept myself the way that I am (full figured and some). The BF accepts me, why don't I? It's probably because all my life I've been put down for being bigger than others, now that I see that I am bigger than others, I'm so used to being put down and getting that kind of feedback that I put myself down. Sad, huh? True to many women and men..

So I've decided instead of changing my body, I'm going to change my attitude. I need to love myself in order to be with the BF because if you don't love yourself, you can't love someone else. I love the BF very much, but it's difficult when I don't have confidence in myself. Sure I have some confidence, but when I feel nasty and icky, that's how I feel and I even seem depressing, I know he tries to help me not feel that way, but it's not about him or it's not him or anything to do with him, it's all me, THAT is why I have to change my attitude. I'm doing good so far, I look in the mirror and tell myself, yeah you are beautiful AND big, instead of saying you are beautiful BUT big.. I feel that being big adds to me and who I am. I stand for a lot of things, and being a plus size chick, it just adds to what I stand for. I'm looking at myself everyday and not saying "ewww you look nasty and fat, I hate my life, I hate being fat, I wish I was skinny". DEPRESSING, I'm 21, and I have been living and thinking and believing this all my life, I have my whole life ahead of me and I'm going to take a hold of it and make sure I don't think this way. Life is too short to be depressed, too short to live with social statuses, and too short to be wasted.

So with my new life and new attitude, I will be happy and positive. This will open up so many doors and so many more opportunities, I will be so up-beat and positive that I will be able to take chances and not be so scared and afraid because of the way others may think of me and my body. I will take those chances whether they like me or not!

1 comment:

  1. Over time it is difficult to think this way. I forget what I should be thinking because I live with so much thoughts of wanting to be this and that! It's difficult, overtime I will be a true happy big woman.. lol